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June 19th, 2008

10:56 am - Since everybody else is doing it...

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May 13th, 2008

11:55 pm - Poor, poor livejournal...
I think I've come to accept that I pretty much fail at livejournal. But I do feel obligated to mention on here that I have started a real-person blog (??), if any of you are interested. It is:


And that link probably isn't working, because I fail at all things computer, BUT it's the thought that counts, right? Anyways, I should also mention that I totally still read livejournal and feel voyeuristic and dirty...but you all have very interesting lives! And I appreciate you sharing them with me! Perhaps I'll come back to write in livejournal myself, but until then, you all rock and I'll continue being a creepy stalker person (although sometimes I'll come out of hiding and actually comment on your entries).


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February 19th, 2008

09:35 pm
So my life has been pretty boring lately, BUT I have news!

I am moving "up" (?) in the world, from a customer service bitch in a restaurant to...

(drum roll please)



A customer service bitch in a world-renowned THEATRE!

That's right, bitches! I am the new full-time box office representative for Berkeley Repertory Theatre. I get health insurance and free theatre tickets! The hours are kinda shitty for actually *making* theatre, (11:30am to 8 or 8:30pm Tuesday-Sunday) but I figure it will allow me to see lots of great *free* theatre, enable me to network, and from what it sounds like, there is some potential for upward mobility...so yeah! I just put in my two weeks notice at the Bistro (which was actually really sad, by the way). I start training on Thursday. In between now and then I will probably be working 24-7 (the middle-school production of Romeo and Juliet goes up next Thursday, plus I'm covering a bunch of shifts for another hostess this week, plus training, plus internship, etc. etc.). Yay! (I think...)

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January 4th, 2008

11:19 pm - Quickish update
Looking on the bright side...

I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity that I have gotten to see so many wonderful people over the holidays (my initial instinct was to type "winter break," but I don't really have that anymore, now do I?). In the space of two weeks, I got to see my parents, my sister-in-law/neice/nephew, Dan, Mark, Morgan, Elizabeth, Aaron, Sarah, Eliot, Keri, and Jonathan...and actually spend a significant amount of time with all of them, except maybe Eliot and Keri. And Jonathan. Ok, so there's never "enough" time, but still. My friends are pretty damn amazing. I don't reflect on that enough, but there you have it.

On the not so bright side, life continues to be infuriatingly confusing. And by "life," I mean relationships, and myself. Whatever. As long as I do my very best to be honest with myself and other people. That's pretty much the most I can ask at this point. That, and that people will continue to put up with me, in all my confus-ed glory!

Moving along now...I feel trapped in a hurricane! Or at least the San Francisco version of a hurricane. I don't think I've ever been in such torrential downpour. It's like, I look outside and there's just a sheath of water coming down. It's like a waterfall or something. Pretty crazy. Going outside is an adventure. I feel like if this keeps up, soon there will be people steering gondolas down the streets. It's good to be on the 2nd floor!

Next week I actually get to start rehearsing Romeo and Juliet with the students. I am very excited about this project. The kids are great, and my co-teacher (or the teacher to whom I am "co," to be more precise) seems awesome. I expect to learn a lot from her. I swear the principal of the school is smoking crack 90% of the time. She is HORRIBLE at communicating with us, and the only contact she has with us is to 1) contradict herself (and then blame us for the miscommunication), 2) send these weird, horrendous emails criticizing our choices in casting (basically questioning why we would give such a "weak" student (her words, not mine) a major part...honey, when you're doing a 14-person version of Romeo and Juliet, and triple casting the Romeos and Juliets, they're ALL major parts. Not to mention that...um...this isn't a professional production...don't we want ALL of the students to participate?) or 3) complaining about the room being a "disaster area" when we leave. Well, when you give us a CLASSROOM full of DESKS and tell us to REHEARSE there, we're gonna move the desks around. We put them back as they were, so I don't really know what she's talking about, but still. My dislike for her runs deep. Although I am exaggerating it slightly for the sake of livejournal bitchiness. My bitchiness, not her behavior. I'm trying to cultivate a badass persona for the internet, here. It just seems spicier!

Oh, on the New Years resolution front, I made an appointment to get headshots! And I think I may have narrowed my monologue choices down to two contrasting ones that I could be moderately happy with, until something better comes along. AND I get to sit in on the fancy schmancy Theatre Bay Area general auditions, which you have to APPLY to in order to audition (crazy, huh?)...so hopefully I'll get to learn from the best, or get REALLY FREAKING INTIMIDATED or something.

Alright. Bed. Or more internet procrastination.

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January 2nd, 2008

01:20 pm - Some resolutions...or, watch Elana get introspective on your (collective) ass!
Here are some resolutions. I tend to make abstract ones focused on self-betterment, though there are some more concrete ones in here, too.

In terms of self-care: learn to listen to myself and respect my emotions by really paying attention to them, rather than by feeling the need to "fix" them or "overcome" them, or even transform them. Learn to be happy with myself and by myself.

Nourish my body. This means feeding it what it needs to thrive, in terms of both food and exercise. I am skeptical of New Year's resolutions that are to "exercise more," but the more I am in tune with myself, the more I realize the necessity of MOVING it, in order to nourish it.

Write more. Accept what I write.

Learn to praise myself for my own success. Learn to judge myself by my own standards, and respect that which I am and do. Reexamine the very concept of "failure," and learn to overcome the fears that hold me back from achieving my goals.

Try to respect and appreciate myself. I'm a cool girl, a lot of the time! :P

Put myself "out there more" in terms of making and sustaining friendships. Take risks. I can be quite shy, and I tend to assume that other people judge me as harshly as I (sometimes) judge myself (though I'm working on it). Thus, my tendency in a lot of my relationships when they get a little difficult (in terms of long-distance friendships or otherwise) is to withdraw from them. This often prevents me from sustaining more than superficial relationships with people.

OH! I almost forgot a very important one:
See at least 4 plays a month. Get a Netflix account and try to see all of those really great old (and new) movies that I've been meaning to see.

For the month of January:
Get headshots (my xmas present to myself)
Get my audition shit together. Have two contrasting monologues ready by the end of the month.
Get over myself and try to get a "real" job in a theatre.
Look into theatre internships across the country/world.

That's about it for a while. I'm sure I'll continue to add to this list. Have I mentioned how much I love New Years? I think it's my favorite holiday. Everybody needs the reminder to step back from one's life and reexamine it every once in a while. I'm thinking about instituting a mid-year New Year as well, just for the hell of it. Though there will probably be less champagne.

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January 1st, 2008

11:45 pm
So upon returning to livejournal, I am plagued by an unfortunate question:

Where the hell are my writing skills? It's like I've lost my wit or wisdom or maybe now I'm just more aware that I lack both. It is quite unfortunate, though. Maybe I'm just out of practice, or overly self-critical...probably both.

In other news, I am both shocked and appalled to find that my microwave ONLY ALLOWS YOU TO HEAT THINGS IN 30-SECOND OR MINUTE-LONG INTERVALS. Spite! Hell! My only recourse is to sit idly by in the kitchen watching my cheese quesadillas rotate while the tortilla acquires a rubbery, cementlike texture. I've tried taking them out at 30 seconds; not enough time for the cheese to melt properly. Optimal meltage/tortilla pliability is obtained around 42 seconds, but I must say, the pressure of opening the microwave exactly as it reads "18 seconds" is beginning to get to me. One misguided blink can send me into an unpleasant culinary landscape reminiscent of soggy tortilla chips or uncooked pasta, just as an overhasty "trigger-finger" can result in hardened cheese that fails to glue the sides of the tortilla together.

And what, my friends, is worse than an unbonded tortilla?

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11:33 pm - This is a post!
(A what?) A post! (A what?) A post! Oh, a post!

...ok, enough theatre inside jokes. So, it's been a while. But I've gotta say, I'm over that whole "no livejournal" phase. This is a good place to keep in touch with people that I care about who are far away, and at least it's a tad more personal than Facebook. So I think I might actually make a vague attempt at this sucker, 'cause it certainly helps me work shit out, and I'm certainly feeling the need/desire to work shit out lately. So, hello everybody. Don't expect too much, but don't be surprised if I actually end up dusting the cobwebs off of this thing and posting every once in a while.

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May 9th, 2007

Or at least until (unless?) I become fixated on a career that requires grad school. This afternoon, I turned in what may be my last academic assignment EVER. Ludicrous! Academia be damned, minimum wage job(s), here I come! In a fit of exuberance, I got three boxes from the bookstore and proceeded to tear my room apart, in the naive hope that I would then place the entire contents of my room neatly into three boxes. Funny how that doesn't work, and how I am now sitting in the small corner on my bed that emerged from my short-lived packing frenzy relatively unscathed, dreaming of going outside and reading The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle while looking out my window over a sea of clothes, books, papers, and Honest Tea bottles. There is nary a bare spot on my floor.. If my dorm were a 50-year old woman, my room would be the lumpy cellulite on the back of her thigh. What a graphic metaphor. I should use more graphic metaphors in my everyday speech. Example:

Friend: Hello, Elana. Isn't it a beautiful day?

Me: Why yes it is. I accidentally looked at the sun this afternoon, and it was as bright as pee is after you imbibe vitamins.

I sure am going to make a lot of friends in San Francisco. Did I mention that I am done with college?! Hot diggity. I hope that I can remember how to write creative things. The last creative thing I wrote was...well, my thesis play, I guess. I've started a couple of things since then, but nothing serious. Maybe I'll just force myself to make up stories and write them down. I can give myself a pretend reward system like in the olden days, whereby I get five Brownie Points for every page that I write or something. Did anybody else get Brownie Points as a child? I was so excited to get them, yet so unconcerned by their apparent worthlessness. Ah, to be young and motivated merely by the IDEA of a reward. If I wanted to get all philosophical and shit, I would say that Brownie Points are pretty damn close to the form of the good. But I won't commit to saying that, because it would be terribly pretentious. So instead, I'll make the statement and qualify it, which allows me to be pretentious without really owning up to it.

Oh, it's so grand to have the brainpower to be a spaz again! Take that, Reed College, take that!
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: The New Pornographers

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April 26th, 2007

01:35 am - A tragic breakup...
There comes a time in every person's life when a relationship grows stale. It works for a while, the "infatuation stage" and all, but then you notice that you don't feel the way you used to together, that perhaps you are fundamentally incompatable.

Well it seems that I've reached that point. With sleep deprivation. For a while we were good together, see, almost two weeks it lasted...I would keep sleep deprivation company to the wee hours of the morning, and in return, it made me loopy, sometimes even giddy. It allowed me to do work with almost superhuman tenacity, writing and editing my thesis late into the morning. Many a night I abandoned Ben for sleep deprivation, having secret trysts in the ETC under the romantic flourescent lighting of the talking computer room. Well, I must say, our relationship is reaching a breaking point. At first, see, I just thought it was a little overzealous. It followed me back to my room, reminding me that I should edit my introduction just as I was drifting off to sleep, attempting to catch three hours before Spanish class. Sometimes I even thought it was cute. It helped me get work done, and I kept it company. A fair deal. But everyone needs their space, and I think that's where we went wrong. We went into the relationship too hard and too fast, I think. My other relationships began to suffer. I noticed that it was harder and harder to get up from naps. It would abandon me at inconvenient times, like when my Spanish professor called on me to read a section of a Pablo Neruda poem. "Calciumeating" I would mumble through slits of eyes. "Calcetines" was her condescending response. I could hear the disappointment in her voice as I slid further into my chair. Dance class was equally demoralizing. But now you've turned me against my friends, and I won't stand for it. I never wanted to bludgeon happy people with blunt objects before I met you. I never glared at the sun for shining, or the ground for being hard, or the walls of the library for being so goddamn obnoxiously white, or a sweet boyfriend for wanting to give me a backrub.

Well I've got one thing to say to you, sleep deprivation. Enjoy your time while it lasts. Just one more day, sleep deprivation. That's all ya got. Just one more day and we're calling it quits. I'm sure you'll find some slutty underclassmen to lure into your little caffeinated bower of computers and smelly seniors, but as for me, I'm done. When I'm DONE, that is. I'll be done. But soon. Very, very soon.

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April 25th, 2007

01:46 pm - The time has come...
If anybody would be interested (please, pretty please, with a cherry on top?) in proofreading some of my thesis, I would be ETERNALLY GRATEFUL. And you know what that means. A lifetime supply of hugs, uh-huh. In a desperate attempt to maybe kinda sorta get this puppy in shape to turn into tomorrow (maybe?), I realized that I should probably have an outside perspective to catch...you know...typos that word didn't catch, words that I made up in my sleep-deprived state of mind, that sorta thing. My thesis advisers tell me that it's vaguely interesting! And it's about death and fairy tales!

I still need to write some little sections (damn thesis advisers and their *wanting me to write a concluuuusion*. Pshaw. But yeah. Help a girl out. Even small sections would help! Anything!


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