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June 19th, 2008
May 13th, 2008
11:55 pm - Poor, poor livejournal...
I think I've come to accept that I pretty much fail at livejournal. But I do feel obligated to mention on here that I have started a real-person blog (??), if any of you are interested. It is:
http://queenofturnips.blogspot.com/
And that link probably isn't working, because I fail at all things computer, BUT it's the thought that counts, right? Anyways, I should also mention that I totally still read livejournal and feel voyeuristic and dirty...but you all have very interesting lives! And I appreciate you sharing them with me! Perhaps I'll come back to write in livejournal myself, but until then, you all rock and I'll continue being a creepy stalker person (although sometimes I'll come out of hiding and actually comment on your entries).
Love!
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February 19th, 2008
09:35 pm
So my life has been pretty boring lately, BUT I have news!
I am moving "up" (?) in the world, from a customer service bitch in a restaurant to...
(drum roll please)
...
...
A customer service bitch in a world-renowned THEATRE!
That's right, bitches! I am the new full-time box office representative for Berkeley Repertory Theatre. I get health insurance and free theatre tickets! The hours are kinda shitty for actually *making* theatre, (11:30am to 8 or 8:30pm Tuesday-Sunday) but I figure it will allow me to see lots of great *free* theatre, enable me to network, and from what it sounds like, there is some potential for upward mobility...so yeah! I just put in my two weeks notice at the Bistro (which was actually really sad, by the way). I start training on Thursday. In between now and then I will probably be working 24-7 (the middle-school production of Romeo and Juliet goes up next Thursday, plus I'm covering a bunch of shifts for another hostess this week, plus training, plus internship, etc. etc.). Yay! (I think...)
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January 4th, 2008
11:19 pm - Quickish update
Looking on the bright side...
I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity that I have gotten to see so many wonderful people over the holidays (my initial instinct was to type "winter break," but I don't really have that anymore, now do I?). In the space of two weeks, I got to see my parents, my sister-in-law/neice/nephew, Dan, Mark, Morgan, Elizabeth, Aaron, Sarah, Eliot, Keri, and Jonathan...and actually spend a significant amount of time with all of them, except maybe Eliot and Keri. And Jonathan. Ok, so there's never "enough" time, but still. My friends are pretty damn amazing. I don't reflect on that enough, but there you have it.
On the not so bright side, life continues to be infuriatingly confusing. And by "life," I mean relationships, and myself. Whatever. As long as I do my very best to be honest with myself and other people. That's pretty much the most I can ask at this point. That, and that people will continue to put up with me, in all my confus-ed glory!
Moving along now...I feel trapped in a hurricane! Or at least the San Francisco version of a hurricane. I don't think I've ever been in such torrential downpour. It's like, I look outside and there's just a sheath of water coming down. It's like a waterfall or something. Pretty crazy. Going outside is an adventure. I feel like if this keeps up, soon there will be people steering gondolas down the streets. It's good to be on the 2nd floor!
Next week I actually get to start rehearsing Romeo and Juliet with the students. I am very excited about this project. The kids are great, and my co-teacher (or the teacher to whom I am "co," to be more precise) seems awesome. I expect to learn a lot from her. I swear the principal of the school is smoking crack 90% of the time. She is HORRIBLE at communicating with us, and the only contact she has with us is to 1) contradict herself (and then blame us for the miscommunication), 2) send these weird, horrendous emails criticizing our choices in casting (basically questioning why we would give such a "weak" student (her words, not mine) a major part...honey, when you're doing a 14-person version of Romeo and Juliet, and triple casting the Romeos and Juliets, they're ALL major parts. Not to mention that...um...this isn't a professional production...don't we want ALL of the students to participate?) or 3) complaining about the room being a "disaster area" when we leave. Well, when you give us a CLASSROOM full of DESKS and tell us to REHEARSE there, we're gonna move the desks around. We put them back as they were, so I don't really know what she's talking about, but still. My dislike for her runs deep. Although I am exaggerating it slightly for the sake of livejournal bitchiness. My bitchiness, not her behavior. I'm trying to cultivate a badass persona for the internet, here. It just seems spicier!
Oh, on the New Years resolution front, I made an appointment to get headshots! And I think I may have narrowed my monologue choices down to two contrasting ones that I could be moderately happy with, until something better comes along. AND I get to sit in on the fancy schmancy Theatre Bay Area general auditions, which you have to APPLY to in order to audition (crazy, huh?)...so hopefully I'll get to learn from the best, or get REALLY FREAKING INTIMIDATED or something.
Alright. Bed. Or more internet procrastination.
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January 2nd, 2008
01:20 pm - Some resolutions...or, watch Elana get introspective on your (collective) ass!
Here are some resolutions. I tend to make abstract ones focused on self-betterment, though there are some more concrete ones in here, too.
In terms of self-care: learn to listen to myself and respect my emotions by really paying attention to them, rather than by feeling the need to "fix" them or "overcome" them, or even transform them. Learn to be happy with myself and by myself.
Nourish my body. This means feeding it what it needs to thrive, in terms of both food and exercise. I am skeptical of New Year's resolutions that are to "exercise more," but the more I am in tune with myself, the more I realize the necessity of MOVING it, in order to nourish it.
Write more. Accept what I write.
Learn to praise myself for my own success. Learn to judge myself by my own standards, and respect that which I am and do. Reexamine the very concept of "failure," and learn to overcome the fears that hold me back from achieving my goals.
Try to respect and appreciate myself. I'm a cool girl, a lot of the time! :P
Put myself "out there more" in terms of making and sustaining friendships. Take risks. I can be quite shy, and I tend to assume that other people judge me as harshly as I (sometimes) judge myself (though I'm working on it). Thus, my tendency in a lot of my relationships when they get a little difficult (in terms of long-distance friendships or otherwise) is to withdraw from them. This often prevents me from sustaining more than superficial relationships with people.
OH! I almost forgot a very important one:
See at least 4 plays a month. Get a Netflix account and try to see all of those really great old (and new) movies that I've been meaning to see.
For the month of January:
Get headshots (my xmas present to myself)
Get my audition shit together. Have two contrasting monologues ready by the end of the month.
Get over myself and try to get a "real" job in a theatre.
Look into theatre internships across the country/world.
That's about it for a while. I'm sure I'll continue to add to this list. Have I mentioned how much I love New Years? I think it's my favorite holiday. Everybody needs the reminder to step back from one's life and reexamine it every once in a while. I'm thinking about instituting a mid-year New Year as well, just for the hell of it. Though there will probably be less champagne.
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January 1st, 2008
11:45 pm
So upon returning to livejournal, I am plagued by an unfortunate question:
Where the hell are my writing skills? It's like I've lost my wit or wisdom or maybe now I'm just more aware that I lack both. It is quite unfortunate, though. Maybe I'm just out of practice, or overly self-critical...probably both.
In other news, I am both shocked and appalled to find that my microwave ONLY ALLOWS YOU TO HEAT THINGS IN 30-SECOND OR MINUTE-LONG INTERVALS. Spite! Hell! My only recourse is to sit idly by in the kitchen watching my cheese quesadillas rotate while the tortilla acquires a rubbery, cementlike texture. I've tried taking them out at 30 seconds; not enough time for the cheese to melt properly. Optimal meltage/tortilla pliability is obtained around 42 seconds, but I must say, the pressure of opening the microwave exactly as it reads "18 seconds" is beginning to get to me. One misguided blink can send me into an unpleasant culinary landscape reminiscent of soggy tortilla chips or uncooked pasta, just as an overhasty "trigger-finger" can result in hardened cheese that fails to glue the sides of the tortilla together.
And what, my friends, is worse than an unbonded tortilla?
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11:33 pm - This is a post!
(A what?) A post! (A what?) A post! Oh, a post!
...ok, enough theatre inside jokes. So, it's been a while. But I've gotta say, I'm over that whole "no livejournal" phase. This is a good place to keep in touch with people that I care about who are far away, and at least it's a tad more personal than Facebook. So I think I might actually make a vague attempt at this sucker, 'cause it certainly helps me work shit out, and I'm certainly feeling the need/desire to work shit out lately. So, hello everybody. Don't expect too much, but don't be surprised if I actually end up dusting the cobwebs off of this thing and posting every once in a while.
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May 9th, 2007
03:21 pm - I AM DONE WITH SCHOOL FOREVER!
Or at least until (unless?) I become fixated on a career that requires grad school. This afternoon, I turned in what may be my last academic assignment EVER. Ludicrous! Academia be damned, minimum wage job(s), here I come! In a fit of exuberance, I got three boxes from the bookstore and proceeded to tear my room apart, in the naive hope that I would then place the entire contents of my room neatly into three boxes. Funny how that doesn't work, and how I am now sitting in the small corner on my bed that emerged from my short-lived packing frenzy relatively unscathed, dreaming of going outside and reading The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle while looking out my window over a sea of clothes, books, papers, and Honest Tea bottles. There is nary a bare spot on my floor.. If my dorm were a 50-year old woman, my room would be the lumpy cellulite on the back of her thigh. What a graphic metaphor. I should use more graphic metaphors in my everyday speech. Example:
Friend: Hello, Elana. Isn't it a beautiful day?
Me: Why yes it is. I accidentally looked at the sun this afternoon, and it was as bright as pee is after you imbibe vitamins.
I sure am going to make a lot of friends in San Francisco. Did I mention that I am done with college?! Hot diggity. I hope that I can remember how to write creative things. The last creative thing I wrote was...well, my thesis play, I guess. I've started a couple of things since then, but nothing serious. Maybe I'll just force myself to make up stories and write them down. I can give myself a pretend reward system like in the olden days, whereby I get five Brownie Points for every page that I write or something. Did anybody else get Brownie Points as a child? I was so excited to get them, yet so unconcerned by their apparent worthlessness. Ah, to be young and motivated merely by the IDEA of a reward. If I wanted to get all philosophical and shit, I would say that Brownie Points are pretty damn close to the form of the good. But I won't commit to saying that, because it would be terribly pretentious. So instead, I'll make the statement and qualify it, which allows me to be pretentious without really owning up to it.
Oh, it's so grand to have the brainpower to be a spaz again! Take that, Reed College, take that!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/acedia/littlegent/bouncy.gif) bouncy
Current Music: The New Pornographers
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April 26th, 2007
01:35 am - A tragic breakup...
There comes a time in every person's life when a relationship grows stale. It works for a while, the "infatuation stage" and all, but then you notice that you don't feel the way you used to together, that perhaps you are fundamentally incompatable.
Well it seems that I've reached that point. With sleep deprivation. For a while we were good together, see, almost two weeks it lasted...I would keep sleep deprivation company to the wee hours of the morning, and in return, it made me loopy, sometimes even giddy. It allowed me to do work with almost superhuman tenacity, writing and editing my thesis late into the morning. Many a night I abandoned Ben for sleep deprivation, having secret trysts in the ETC under the romantic flourescent lighting of the talking computer room. Well, I must say, our relationship is reaching a breaking point. At first, see, I just thought it was a little overzealous. It followed me back to my room, reminding me that I should edit my introduction just as I was drifting off to sleep, attempting to catch three hours before Spanish class. Sometimes I even thought it was cute. It helped me get work done, and I kept it company. A fair deal. But everyone needs their space, and I think that's where we went wrong. We went into the relationship too hard and too fast, I think. My other relationships began to suffer. I noticed that it was harder and harder to get up from naps. It would abandon me at inconvenient times, like when my Spanish professor called on me to read a section of a Pablo Neruda poem. "Calciumeating" I would mumble through slits of eyes. "Calcetines" was her condescending response. I could hear the disappointment in her voice as I slid further into my chair. Dance class was equally demoralizing. But now you've turned me against my friends, and I won't stand for it. I never wanted to bludgeon happy people with blunt objects before I met you. I never glared at the sun for shining, or the ground for being hard, or the walls of the library for being so goddamn obnoxiously white, or a sweet boyfriend for wanting to give me a backrub.
Well I've got one thing to say to you, sleep deprivation. Enjoy your time while it lasts. Just one more day, sleep deprivation. That's all ya got. Just one more day and we're calling it quits. I'm sure you'll find some slutty underclassmen to lure into your little caffeinated bower of computers and smelly seniors, but as for me, I'm done. When I'm DONE, that is. I'll be done. But soon. Very, very soon.
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April 25th, 2007
01:46 pm - The time has come...
If anybody would be interested (please, pretty please, with a cherry on top?) in proofreading some of my thesis, I would be ETERNALLY GRATEFUL. And you know what that means. A lifetime supply of hugs, uh-huh. In a desperate attempt to maybe kinda sorta get this puppy in shape to turn into tomorrow (maybe?), I realized that I should probably have an outside perspective to catch...you know...typos that word didn't catch, words that I made up in my sleep-deprived state of mind, that sorta thing. My thesis advisers tell me that it's vaguely interesting! And it's about death and fairy tales!
I still need to write some little sections (damn thesis advisers and their *wanting me to write a concluuuusion*. Pshaw. But yeah. Help a girl out. Even small sections would help! Anything!
Thankssssssss...
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April 23rd, 2007
11:21 am
This morning, I was so tired when my alarm went off that I literally didn't know how to work it. I'm amazed I didn't do something weird to it; though I remember thinking, while haphazardly pushing buttons, that the reason the snooze button made the horrrible noise stop was that I was secretly a scientist with magical powers, who had figured a way to conquer the mysterious foe in order that my 'normal' identity might be able to face it during the day.
Also, Ben came by like an hour ago (while I was sleeping) wearing laurels. Yesterday I told him to, but today was incredibly annoyed that he interrupted my sleep. I'm a different person when I'm tired!
ps. FOUR DAYS TO (relative) FREEDOM!
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April 22nd, 2007
08:43 pm - Sign #4,597,843 that I am too easily amused...
Looking over a paragraph that I wrote in my thesis, I wrote"oat" instead of "eat."
Case in point:
"His older sister, betraying a cynicism far beyond her years, responds: 'No, son. Only the rich dead eat here. Our dead oat only what we offer.'"
I honestly don't know why I find that so amusing, but I do. Deal with it.
Actually, I think I probably only found it interesting because my subconscious knew that it would be a good way to distract me from doing my work. "Hey Elana," it said, "write about this in your Livejournal! What a splendid idea! You'll bring smiles to the faces of millions! You'll warm the hearts of the masses!" FUCK YOU, SUBCONSCIOUS! YOU LIE!!
Wow, I am far too caffeinated. Let's blame it on that, mmmkay?
Current Location: has anybody noticed that all of the mood foxes look the same
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/acedia/littlegent/crazy.gif) crizazy!
Current Music: so it doesn't really matter what mood i'm in, does it???
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April 19th, 2007
04:22 am - Good lawdy!
If you think choreographing a dance about a washing machine sounds easy, well...you are sadly, sadly mistaken. Right now I'm kicking myself for trying to make a *real* dance when I could've probably thrown together some postmodern bullshit in 5 minutes and called it art.
Sooooooo tiiiiiired....
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April 13th, 2007
03:14 am - I'm starting to sound like a broken record here...
SCHOOL SUCKS!
It's crazy, I never had senioritis in high school like this. Sweet Jesus, I just want to be done, but can't seem to motivate myself to do any of the work that would allow me to be done. I've spent all night watching videos on youtube instead of writing my thesis! It was kind of cool to realize how many interesting, creative videos there are out there, though...I thought Youtube was only about teen girls lipsynching to Madonna while creepy men made crude jokes and argued over which one was uglier.
In other news, if--WHEN(!)--I graduate, I'll be SO SO SO SO SO ready. None of this moping around, not wanting to leave the comfort of Reed business. It ain't comfortable anymore. I just want to have my life back! Maybe this makes me a bad Reedie...whatever.
I'm done mentally. I just need to be done physically :).
In other news, I've taken to forming elaborate fantasies about the things I will do once I graduate. I will read literature because I WANT to, not because I have to. I will befriend technology so that I can make wonderful/random videos of things. Maybe I'll save up for a camcorder. Maybe I'll save up for a camera and learn to take pretty pictures. I'll write lots of plays! About anything! As many as I want! I'll learn to paint! I'll paint pictures! Of anything! I'll learn to dance! I'll choreograph things! I'll direct plays! I'll act! I'll learn to sew! I'll write stories! I'll whistle! I'll read Harry Potter in Spanish! I'll get a shitty job and spend my dull time at work coming up with ideas for stories and plays and doodling on post-it notes or napkins! Maybe I'll review plays for a REAL newspaper in SAN FRANCISCO! Good god I can't wait!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/acedia/littlegent/sad.gif) ARE WE THERE YET??
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March 30th, 2007
01:33 am - because nobody seemed to be nearly as amused as i was by my dream...
i'm going to write a series of haikus. they are the best things you will ever read.
writing a thesis
sucks. being a senior sucks
because of this, yeah.
i keep eating dark
chocolate to stay awake.
wish i had coffee.
wish i could sleep this
isn't a real haiku HA
HA HA HA sucker.
oh dear.
ps. ANDREW BIRD IS INCREDIBLY SEXY
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March 27th, 2007
10:21 pm - In which I give birth to Lauren Ambrose
I don't care that I never write in this. I had this dream a few nights ago, and keep thinking about it, and just decided that it is too awesome to keep to myself.
Okay, so I'm hanging around with some friends and family in this spacious room. Maybe it's outdoors, but there is furniture and a sky covering. Ben is there; we're together. Everyone is just chatting and stuff, and then I look down and realize that I'm pregnant. It doesn't really come as a surprise, just a point of interest. And then I'm in labor. Except it doesn't hurt, and it isn't difficult. I remember thinking distinctly:
"Well, this is good to know. I wonder what all of the hoopla is about giving birth, because this is easy."
And then I squat on a chair and this really long skinny baby comes out. It looks like a long stuffed cat. All the while, I'm thinking "this is really no big deal at all!" And then someone hands me a baby (the long stuffed cat has apparently turned into a newborn baby), and I'm all matronly and glowing, and I start walking around with it trying to get other people to look at it and be excited about it. I can't figure out why nobody else is interested in the baby. I set the baby down and ask Ben about it, and then I turn around and the baby is a little bigger, and it's walking. I'm so proud, I don't realize that anything is strange until it starts to talk...small words at first, and then full sentences. I carry on polite conversation with it, until I suddenly think "That's odd. Newborn babies shouldn't talk." And then I blink and the baby turns into Lauren Ambrose. We both decide that we have been lucid dreaming together and skip off to a playground. We make it to the sandbox when I wake up.
I swear I haven't been doing hallucinogens. Maybe this is what spending too much time cooped up in the library does to me.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/acedia/littlegent/silly.gif) weird
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December 18th, 2006
02:49 am - OH, also...
I couldn't sleep tonight and so I got impatient and my hair was annoying me and so I cut it off.
Not all of it, I'm not that brave (I don't think, anyway), but I just took the scissors and started snipping. It's now just grazing my shoulders. I might decide to layer it tomorrow if I get bored. Or maybe I'll cut it shorter, I don't know.
I think it's going to be a good year.
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November 28th, 2006
11:54 pm - Random journal entry about theatre!
Gosh, all I ever do nowadays is write my thesis play. Is it bad that I fantasize about dropping out of school and becoming a writer? Of course it is. I'm sure college-educated writers fare much better than non-college educated ones. Goodness, though, I think I'm obsessed.
I had auditions today! They were awesome! This is the one part of theatre that I love and hate...auditions are fun because I get to work with so many different people. But I hate it because I seriously want to work with everybody that auditions for me. They're all so wonderful and talented in so many different ways! I know everybody says that, but I really mean it. Sheesh, maybe I need to teach theatre or something. And I could cast the show in so many different ways, and have it be awesome in so many different ways...I think I am impatient. I want auditions to come tomorrow and to have my cast and to read my play in the senior meeting and then revise my play. Basically I just want to devote my life to my play. It is very surreal to have actors speak words that I have written. I had this in The Golden Key to some degree, but because it was adapted (often practically word-for-word from the fairy tales; I added the stage directions/characters, etc) it wasn't as odd. With this play, I vacillate between cringing (Oh no! does this sound too forced? Is that funny or cheesy? Have I created round characters or cartoonish caricatures? Aaaah!) and feeling elated. It's an odd business, and quite addicting in a masochistic sort of way.
It is very VERY comforting to know that I could conceivably cast my play after auditions today, though I know a few people are coming tomorrow as well! Guess I'm just on a happy little theatre cloud right now.
OH, and I absolutely loved reading some of the responses to the last question on my audition form ("If you could be God, the Devil, or Death, which would you be and why? Bonus points if you draw yourself as one of them."). Some of them were very insightful! And most people chose Death, interestingly enough. I wonder if it's because they knew that Death is a character in my play, or if a lot of people just have a hidden desire for that kind of power.
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November 9th, 2006
03:09 am - Stuff...
I seem to have lost interest in writing in this thing nowadays. I actually do have a different website (I detest the word "blog") for backing up my thesis play. It contains super SUPER rough draftage, as I tend to write stuff, and often before even proofreading it, post it. Such is life. But if anybody's interested in reading it, it's at: http://goldenkey.vox.com/
Yup. Umm...
You should all come see the faculty show this weekend. Here's the info:
In the Bar of a Tokyo Hotel by Tennessee Williams
Thursday, Friday, Saturday 7:30pm
Theatre Mainstage
Directed by Craig Clinton
I get to play a creepy/crazy aging woman who hits on a bar-man and yells at her artist husband (what can I say, he's a bastard!). It's going really well, actually, so yeah...come see it!
Hmm. I feel like this livejournal is just becoming a big Public Service Announcement for me. Such is life. (That's apparently my catchphrase of the day).
Ok, I'm exhausted...night!
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October 10th, 2006
12:46 am
I just wrote three pages of my thesis play! It even (barely) goes onto page four!! I find this immensely exciting! I will probably end up not using any of it, but yay!
Gosh, I always forget how much I enjoy writing until I get swept away in it. This is going to be a fun play. That last sentence is going to come back to bite me in the ass, isn't it?
Current Location: been sitting down so long my butt hurts. how sad is that???
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/acedia/littlegent/excited.gif) excited
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